HS Band
I was in a band in HS. It was a brief thing. We played 1-2 shows, if my hazy memory is correct. The drummer was a friend of mine while the bass and lead guitar were a year ahead of us. We practiced either up the street or over in Rockville. It was a lot of fun. Pixies as an influence, my favorite was when we covered Kris Kross Jump ala alternative style. At one of the shows, after our set (multiple bands playing) a guy from another band came up to me:
hey, that was awesome… our lead singer doesn’t look like he’s showing up, you want to go up there for him? you can just wale, you don’t need to know the songs…
I politely declined, but appreciated his liking my whaling. I had a hard time making eye contact with the crowd, much to the irritation of the bass and guitar of the band. I was soon kicked out, and went on with my life. This must have been toward the end of my Sophomore year, because come Junior year I had a whole set of news problems. Unknown to me, the bass and guitar guys hated me. Not sure what I did, or perhaps something I said, but they hated me and enjoyed nothing more then letting me know as they passed me in the halls. I dreaded walking down a particular one because they usually congregated there. Insults as I walked by, invading my personal space, taunting, harassing, almost exclusively verbal assaults, but still a shitty was to spend a year. Keep in mind I was a skinny kid. My current height, but about 70lbs lighter. In retrospect, I probably could have made an issue of it, but they had a group of friends that also enjoyed taunting me, so it was a group to deal with; a pack.
Fast-forward maybe 4 years. I’m dropping my sister off at her dorm to pick something up at The University of Maryland. Huge campus. I’m sitting there in the car, illegally parked on the curb and I step out to have a smoke. I look over at the bus stop and there’s the guitar player. He’s standing outside the covered bus stop reading something. I flick my cigarette to the street, walk into the middle of the street, take my sunglasses off and light a new cigarette. I stand right in front of the bus stop, in the middle of the road and glare sucking that cigarette as if it was the only thing keeping me from moving. Oddly, no cars ever passed by me. I stood there, glaring. About 50lbs bigger now, at that point I was pretty filled out. I stood and glared. He looked up, saw who it was, looked back down nervously, slid into the bus stop, then moved behind the group of people wondering who this guy was glaring at them and smoking like a mad man in the middle of the street. I must of looked a bit crazy. I finished my smoke, flicked it his general direction, gave him an evil grin, and walked back to the car. Fear, as it seems, can quickly be turned.
Moments of accomplished rage. What to do with it. At that point in my life things like jail, a car hitting me, my family… they just weren’t there. The issue I grapple with on a constant basis deep in my head is what actions would I take in a similar situation if I ran into him again? What about others that have wronged me? What would I do? How would I react? What does a year of fear and torment translate into as an adolescent as opposed to a month as an adult? Is there a difference? Are the emotions the same or muted?
Thank god for Guitar Hero, because I still had some rocking out left in me. Wii Music comes soon as well. I can still remember my outfit for that one show: Doc Boot (black), muted checked shorts, Black Leather Biker Jacket, big hoop earrings with floppy long hair. I must have looked ridiculous… ok, I know I looked ridiculous.
